The Chop

Another common myth about Trans women is “the chop”, the idea that Sexual Reassignment Surgery is nothing more than lopping your penis off. This one is closer to my usual style of humour in comics, extreme sarcasm!

Trans Myths in the Movies

Gender and Sexuality are not linked

Sexuality and gender are not linked. I don't think I can put it any more simply than that. If I were pushed to clarify a little I would ask anyone to tell me if homosexuality and paedophilia are linked, or if any particular group of people were more inclined to share the same sexual preferences than any other group of people. It's pretty silly when you think about it.

In my experience, I've met a lot of bisexual or pansexual trans people. I myself am pansexual (attracted to all genders and sexes) and I put this down to being more open to different things since coming out as trans, as I've identified as gay and bi in the past. However I've also met many trans people attracted to only one sex, or none at all, so there's no reason for me to believe that being trans directly affects someones sexual preference in any way, it's entirely down to the individual.

I'd like to add to this post that if you feel that I'm forcing any kind of agenda on you, or making you uncomfortable in any way, there's a simple answer to this, don't read it. Because I'm going to be doing this a few more times. The reason I am being so forward about this is because these are issues that not only affect me, but all of my trans friends. These myths about transgender people are harmful to all of us and are a part of our daily lives. Not a day goes by that I don't get asked about personal things like what I mentioned above, or face ignorance and misinformation spread by the media that seeps into everybodys heads and they take as truth.

Unless you get asked constantly when you're having your dick cut off, what's under your clothes, or have your sexual orientation questioned when you want to use your preferred restroom (this happened to me at work), you can't possibly understand how damaging misinformation or a lack of information is. This is why I am making these posts and if you don't like them, the internet is much easier to tune out than the rest of the world.

The Gender Spectrum

Like many things in life these days, gender isn't as black and white as it once seemed. For many people gender can be a very fluid thing, and can be seen as a spectrum in which some don't fall entirely at one end or the other, or can move freely throughout. The term "genderqueer" is most commonly used for those who don't identify fully as male or female (I considered myself genderqueer at one stage). This can mean any number of things, switching genders on different days, identifying as both genders at once, neither gender, or having traits seen as masculine or feminine but not being strictly male or female.

There are so many possibilities when it comes to gender that it's impossible to come up with terms for all of them. The best thing to do is just to think of gender as fluid and try not impose labels on anyone who doesn't want them. If you're worried about pronouns and names, just ask in private or use gender neutral terms.

Once again, any further input is welcome :)

Going Stealth

A situation sometimes known as "going stealth" is where a Trans person doesn't wish for their past (as the opposite sex) or recent life (as a Trans person) to be known at all. This means they no longer want to be known as anything other than the gender they identify as. Obviously to some this is subject to the amount the person passes (looks/acts like their preferred gender) but it is still entirely up to them whether they would like to go stealth or not.

As a friend or relative of anyone in this situation it is your duty to never reveal anything they don't want to anybody else. If you're introducing them to friends, or at a party, never bring up their past as the opposite sex, and make no mention of them being Trans. You have to respect their wishes as you would anybody else who entrusted you with a secret, as it can be life shattering to some people to be "outed".

Contrary to what movies and tv shows would have you believe, Trans people do not go stealth in order to trick Cis men/women into having sex with them, or any other kind of nefarious or deviant crap. They do it because they simply wish to be seen by everyone else as the gender that they see themselves as. All you have to do is respect that and treat them as you would anyone else.

As I'm not "going stealth" myself I obviously don't know everything about the situation these people find themselves in. If there is anything that anyone would like to add, go right ahead. The more info on the subject the better.

Trans issues, myths facts and more

Starting today I will occasionally be posting about Trans issues, myths, facts etc to give a better insight into the Trans community. I am not making the assumption that any of you know nothing about being Trans or trying to force any kind of agenda on you. This is more for people who would like to know more but don't know how to (or are a little scared to) ask me about such things. There will be some posts about misconceptions that anger me, but for the most part I hope to just shed some light on the facts, or issues that affect the community.

Keep in mind I'm not above making mistakes and getting things wrong myself, as I'm still fairly new to the whole Trans thing myself. For starters some people will get very offended if you don't use the most up-to-date correct terms that exists, I'm not one of those people. For some, the term Trans must have an asterix after it (Trans*) but given there are far bigger issues to worry about, I couldn't really care less about such trivial things. There are also people who will get angry if you don't use the full LGBTQI abbreviation, but I'm happy with other more laid back terms like queer, which tends to cover everything anyway.

To kick things off I will start with a term that we use, but the people it refers to may not know what it means, or that it even exists. The term Cisgendered (or Cis for short) refers to people who identify as the sex they were born with, and until a few years ago I wasn't even aware of it. The purpose of this term is to move away from using "normal"to refer to everyone who isn't Trans, as this would suggest that all Trans people are abnormal or wrong. Using the term Cis is a step forward in accepting transgender people as normal rather than something outside of the general population.

Week 13 - The trip back home

So I travelled down to Tasmania to visit my family over the last week and it was a mixed bag in terms of reception to my transition. My friends welcomed me with open arms, which was fantastic. My family just kind of pretended nothing had changed, and I'll explain why shortly.

Visiting my old friends was certainly the highlight of the trip. While I see them every 6 months or so, it's been about a year this time, with almost all of them having not seen me in person since I became a woman publicly. While they didn't ask many questions, they were happy to listen to some of my stories and knowledge of the community, and learn about pronouns and common misconceptions. I kept all of this to a minimum though and just enjoyed my time with them, playing games and watching videos. It does make me quite sad that my best friends are in Tasmania, and I prefer living in Melbourne where I'm having a tough time maintaining some friendships. Certain people have drifted away and at times I feel like I have no real friends left here, but some trans people are moving in soon and I'm hoping that helps me out a bit.

On the family side of things, I wont say it was bad, it was more the same as when I came out as gay the first time (I later realised I could be bi, and yes I really did think I could only be one or the other at the time). Some of my family members aren't big on emotion and tend to hide it behind acts of silliness or just not addressing issues at all. My mother loves me dearly and accepts me no matter what I do with my life. My father on the other hand, has had a very rough year. I wont go into the details but about a year ago he was involved in a life altering incident that has left him stresses and mentally frail, not quite the same man he used to be.

My transition is something he didn't really need to deal with on top of everything else so it barely even got a mention from him, it was just life as usual. The thing I did notice though is that he treated it more like a phase or a joke than anything else. Asking me questions like "are you really going to go out dressed like that?" and saying "you shouldn't go out at night like that". I understand that he fears for my safety, but just like my mother, he's from another time. I can understand when people need time to adjust and get used to changing how they refer to me, but it's clear that my fathers needs more time than most, and some help getting his life back together. It's not his fault, just unfortunate circumstances.

On top of that, my eldest brother hasn't been told yet, and when he came round to visit my father got angry and made him go away rather than tell him. My cousin on the other hand was very accepting, and I feel this may be because my aunt and uncle have a family of 2 girls and a boy, whereas I come from a family of boys. I feel I may just have to be extra patient with my parents, and tread lightly around my father. They need to understand though, that this isn't something that is going to go away.

In other news life is still going through its ups and downs. Hunting for a job while working is still a pain, my anxiety is as bad as it has ever been, and I'm still having trouble getting out of bed some days. I'm also the most overweight I've been in a long time, mainly due to my back operation last year, but also due to depression and laziness. It's a tough habit to break when everything seems so shit that only food brings you happiness.

The biggest problem right now is the loss of friends at work, some of whom I just can't handle anymore due to their criticism of every aspect of my life. I know I need to grow a thicker skin in general, but I don't need to cop abuse from friends, so it's best I cut these people from my life completely. Thankfully I have some trans friends moving in with me soon which means I'll at least have some friendly faces to come home to. I know I sound pretty bleak sometimes, and my life is hardly as bad as a lot of other people's, but it's still not as manageable as I'd like. Something has to change, and soon, or I'm going to find myself sleeping the rest of my life away just to avoid the bad things.